social concerns/autobiographies/sexuality/homosexuality
MUCH MORE THAN SEXUALITY
Listening to 70 Gay People Talk About Their Lives
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Much More Than Sexuality
by Liz and John Sherblom
Audenreed Press
GO TO AUTHOR HOME PAGE
Much More Than Sexuality is a book of autobiographical stories told by 70 gay men and
lesbians during in-depth interviews. They are stories about human lives, relationships, and spirit --
about love and joy, sadness, grief, and fear, children, family, partners, friends, sexuality,
homosexuality, and sometimes AIDS. Sexual orientation is clearly an influence but does not define
the whole of people's lives. Underlying each story is a complex, multi-faceted human being.
A book for people of all ages and sexual orientations, Much More Than Sexuality is written for
young gay people looking for positive role models, for gay adults looking for affirmation for their
own lives, for heterosexual adults and young people who want to understand the real people behind
the myths and stereotypes of homosexuality, and for families, friends, and colleagues of gay people.
ISBN: 1-879418-90-8
©1996
$13.00 US
Softcover 324 Pages
To order this book...
EXCERPT
Virginia
I went to divinity school, just to talk about God. It had nothing to do with going into the ministry. I was fascinated with religion and spirituality and figured, here's a place that at least there are going to be other people to talk with about this stuff. I have a faith and use the term God, but that's a loaded term. I prefer "that which is divine." To put it in my mother's words, "God always provides." Mom's right. I know that I'll be taken care of.
I was born and raised in a northwest suburb of Chicago. My father is an educated man with an MBA, and a very hardworking mid-western businessman from Iowa. Mom is from western Illinois. They're both real good midwestern people, the epitome of the American dream with two kids, and my brother was the three-sport jock. I love my family very much, but I feel like my upbringing was about as shallow as the two-dimensional photograph you see of the white middle class suburban WASP family.
A minister and a musician are the two things that I've always wanted to be, but I wouldn't pursue the ministry, because I always felt like I was a deviant. My actions were not as pure as my faith, so I couldn't be a minister.
I always had a boyfriend. I did everything to look good. I did everything that I was supposed to and nothing that I wanted to, except for music. Something was always missing.
I had girlfriends, too, and with them, I had really deep, intense friendships. They were emotionally charged, though I had no physical relationship with them. I was always taught, you have the physical relationships with boys.
When I was in college, I was ready to get married to my fiance, settle down and have kids, teach Sunday school and piano lessons: and when the kids were old enough, I'd deliver mail to keep myself busy and keep my legs looking nice. I was also anorexic and bulimic, but this did not suggest a problem to me. This was how I left the States and went to England to spend my junior year abroad. I had my long hair. I was a sorority girl and was just as wholesome as can be. I brought an American flag with me, pictures of Ronald Reagan and Bob Dole, and I was a born-again Christian.
One of the first people I met when I got there was another American woman. We were lonely and scared, and we were both Americans, so we started palling around. Our friendship got really intense, but I wasn't going to tell her that I had these feelings for her. Then one time, we were in her room. I was lying on the side of her bed, waiting for her to get ready to go out. She stuck her hand out, and I stuck my hand out. She went to pull me up and she just kissed me from nowhere. This is one kiss I will never forget. It was a kiss that I longed for, and it was so tender. For me it was like the opening of Pandora's box. I knew that this was the way that I wanted to be kissed.
It was hell after that, because of my feelings for her, the fact that we had kissed, the fact that I'd kissed a woman. In the meanwhile, I was thinking, "Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be in love with my fiance. What happened to him?"
At the end of my junior year, I went back and I finished up college. I said, "I will date a man one last time." There was a guy that I'd had this wild crush on ever since my freshman year. I knew that if he wasn't going to do it, nobody was. He was available and I was available, so we made a date to go to Homecoming. We didn't even go. We just had wild sex in my dorm room, but at the end I felt, "It's not going to work; forget it." He was really the barometer. So, basically, I threw in the towel and said "OK, just live with it. Love is love."
REVIEWS
"The stories are given in the person's own words. The result is a collection of first-person narratives
as direct and unvarnished as conversations over coffee.... Much More Than Sexuality provides
an invaluable window into the lives of a segment of the gay population largely overlooked by our
sensation-oriented media."
--Lynn Flewelling
The Bangor Daily News
"These stories touch upon everything from the challenge of building a healthy, intimate relationship in
the midst of an unaccepting society to raising well adjusted children in spite of that nonacceptance.
For those readers who think they know all about the lives of gay men and lesbians . . this book was
meant for you!"
-- Rose Mary Denman
Maine in Print, Brunswick, ME
"In compiling these stories, the authors have made a valuable contribution to human understanding
and compassion."
--Dan Millman
The Way of the Peaceful Warrior
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Liz Sherblom is an artist and has eight years of professional experience as a market research
analyst. John Sherblom is an Associate Professor of Communication and Journalism at the
University of Maine.